chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
