I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
