If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
