My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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