girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
