you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
