He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
