that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
