apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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