I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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