Pappa wants mamma naked
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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