She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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