I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
