you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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