Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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