i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
