Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
