Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
