true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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