if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
