i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
