I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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