he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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