What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
