Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
