It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
