the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
