I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
