just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
