I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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