If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
