I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
