im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
