Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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