When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
