You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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