I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
