Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
