Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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