the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
