i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
