Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
