he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
