my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
