well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
