somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
