Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
birth control should be required to get into college
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
