So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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