Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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