Pappa wants mamma naked
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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