Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
