I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
